WHOSE LIFE AM I EVEN LIVING ANYWAY?

Kamikaze Manifesto, writing my new novel & the nest

Last Friday I posted my Kamikaze Manifesto online. I decided to move all of my online output and communication to either my website or my Substack, so that’s where I’m at now. For those of you who missed the manifesto on other platforms, I’ve included the text below.

Why I am leaving the digital sphere:

Although I seem to be successful on ‘social’ media, constantly thinking about sharing ‘success’, worrying about reaching enough people with my work and measuring success in engagement via a totally corrupt and destructive platform created by and for some of the most f*d up billionaires on this planet is not what real success is. These platforms make you addicted to a form of success that is anything but healthy or sustainable.

The algorithm feeds me stuff I don’t want to be fed with (who even wants to be fed?) and participating only feeds the algorithm, meaning I am practically volunteering, providing free labour, for f*sc!sts.

I catch myself thinking: ‘I’m having a good time now, I’m proud of what I did/made, but how am I going to share this? And when?’ That’s just creepy.

AI is really getting out of hand. Although it might sound a bit woo-woo, it’s a weapon of mass destruction, used on our brains. It undermines our capacity to think clearly, steals our work and identity and takes our jobs, pushing people into poverty. I don’t want to live in a mirror-world, in a reproduction of a reproduction of a reproduction…

Leaving stresses me out to a point that, if I were a substance ab*ser, I would definitely think I have a major problem. Social media are so addictive, a mass addiction that’s accepted to be normal and fun, that it leads to all kinds of problems, ranging from isolation, insecurity and problems with your eyesight to s*!cid€, d!so*dered 3ating and more very serious cases.

The fact that I cannot write about certain topics without self censoring words and images is not to be taken lightly. Who is this platform controlled by? Who are you volunteering for?

Social media reduced me, writing from a female perspective, even more to being a pretty face with a pair of legs. Objectification, also of your artistic output and ideas, is inherent to this extension of c*pital!st media. I am not going to miss the mi*gynistic men - there’s enough of them on the streets already.

Yes, I do feel stressed out about people still being able to find my work, promoting concerts, my books, my music, exhibitions, et cetera. The whole infrastructure is now based on these media. The mainstream media are also in the hands of the same kind of people, so it will be a hard one to express my ideas from now on. I am also afraid of missing out on jobs, institutions basing potential collaborations on the amount of reach I have on social media and some people being unable to find me. But I also look forward to owning my identity again. That’s worth a lot.

You can still text me, send me letters, call me and email me. My email address can be found on my website. I am still the same person you worked with or wanted to work with when you saw my online presence, but there is one difference: I am real now.

Wishing you all the best and we will see each other in real advertisement and AI-free life,

Sarah

Currently, I’m writing a bigger piece on this topic, which hopefully will be published later this summer.

I’ll be taking a few weeks off (end of July, beginning of August) to write my new novel, which will be titled D.C.A.F. - a surrealist rollercoaster about two Italian sisters (?) with Alzheimer’s who tell their caregivers about their turbulent youth during the Anni di Piombo in northern Italy. I still have to find a way to intertwine the stories of the Unibet matchfixing as an asset-backed security on the downfall of Italy involving prominent (ex-)members of Propaganda Due, a hysterical Swiss banker longing for an Aperol Spritz on a Friday afternoon, lesbian Brigate Rosse intrigue and a not-so-stoned Squadra Azzurra player in Guatemala.

Last Saturday, I came across a small, sloppy blackbird that had fallen out of its nest. With its head crooked, it sat looking at me from the hedera, close to the little table at which I was writing. Its head still had fluff on it, making it look like the timid bird had just woken up, crawled out of its bed and was now waiting for the coffee I was drinking. I apologised to the bird, upon which the small creature slowly pressed its eyelids to a brownish line and reopened them, fluttering its wings. We stared at each other in silence, with only the sound of the wind rustling - later it would storm. From an open window, Rachmaninoff sounded very loud - pale blue window frames, the sky a grey veil of clouds, the music loud from under the wisteria covering the facade. Like the blackbird, it feels like I need to learn to understand exactly what life outside the nest means. It feels like a challenge to discover what it feels like to only live for what is real and it reminds me of a diary entry I wrote on February 26 of this year, in which I ask myself why I feel so attached to the imaginary online Sarah Neutkens.

And frankly - both the sloppy blackbird and I are having a great time out here, trying to navigate this strange place. In exchange for some crumbs, it gave me the reassurance I needed. Life’s dead simple, luckily.

I finished reading Andrea Dworkin’s Pornography: Men Possessing Women, an incredibly incisive book about how pornography and oppression, racism, sexism and class inequality are inextricably linked. In general, pornography is often thought of in a rather liberal way in left-wing discourse, as a kind of freewheeling choice for radical freedom - something Dworkin magisterially manages to counter. Not out of so-called “prudishness” or some kind of grudge, but from a solid understanding of feminist radical theory. I'd also like to recommend Ed Winters' book, How to Argue With a Meat Eater, while we're at it. Although I already ate vegetarian, I hesitated for a long time about going vegan - eggs, goat cheese and too little information kept me hooked. Winters' book really made it an incredibly easy choice, especially from an ecological/animal welfare/socialist perspective.

Sasha le Fou & Tippi Parade will be playing a few concerts later this year, starting with a show with our full band on September 14 at Manifiesta, Ostend. Tickets are on sale online, but if you’re interested in going there, I can send you a ticket link as well (we’re doing a challenge in the organisers’ groups who can sell the most). On November 12, we’ll be Johannes Is Zijn Naam’s support act at Wintercircus, Ghent, where just me and Alexander will be playing. Then there’s something that is yet to be announced in The Netherlands on November 8 - keep your eyes peeled and your inboxes open for that one.

De Borski’s will be performing my latest piece Die man is geboren in zee all summer. The composition is inspired by conversations Isabel Pronk, Valentine Blangé and Amanda Payne had with the market traders of Amsterdam’s Dappermarkt. Tour dates are available on their website.

If you’d like to support my work and stay updated, please consider taking a paid subsciption to my Substack for just the amount you would pay for a coffee. I will be posting paywalled letters as well as free ones, and I am considering creating a chat group for paid subscribers in which we can discuss books and ideas and in which I can give you some (creative) advice. I will elaborate on this in a later letter.

In the meanwhile, I’ll be writing, composing and working my ass off -

Until soon,

Sarah